Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
