Your face is a jimmy john
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
