Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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