i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
