Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
