Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
