that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
