Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
