Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
