Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
