he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
