remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
