I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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