Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
