She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
