oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Drunk is a universal language darling
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
