I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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