a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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