Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
