I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
