yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
