Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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