dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
