Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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