If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I look excited, but its just a facade.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
