maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
