sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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