Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
