Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
