all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
