did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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