If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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