Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
