tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
