Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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