i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
