Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
