I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
