Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
