She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
