I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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