3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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