Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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