I'm eating all of the evidence.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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