She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
