You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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