I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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