Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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