He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
