so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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