On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
